A Week in the Life of the Single Working Mother

A Week in the Life of the Single, Working Mother

“It’s ok,” you think. “Nothing to worry about, really!”  I mean who doesn’t occasionally put their panties on inside out?  It can happen! The cottage is relatively dark in the morning and the bathroom has no light in it, so even if you went to the toilet you wouldn’t have noticed. No problem there. But then you go to the bathroom at work for the umpteenth time in the morning (you suffer from a weak bladder) and only then do you notice, staring back at you from the mirror,  a moron who is wearing two different types of earrings! Not two similar earrings, that may be understandable, but two totally different decorations. “Are those warning bells?” I think, listening intently.  “Or is that just the sound of me losing my mind”. I stride back into the office, laughing – you must do this in these situations -  and tell everyone the story. It’s funny, really, I mean, who doesn’t occasionally put two different earrings in their lobes?

All might have been well if I hadn’t remembered the keys! “Try to forget the key story!” I tell myself.  But no, a nagging imp-like, pest of a voice insists that I remember the keys. So, warily I cast my mind back to this morning’s debacle.  On leaving the cottage this morning, I absolutely know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I looked at the keys on their hook. I removed them from said hook and walked up to my car with three of my four children. Imagine my frustration and absolute impatience (I’m very impatient with ineptitude), when I couldn’t find the keys. This followed having to squeeze into my car (it was parked too close to my brother’s car), loaded with bags, trying to balance on my high heels that kept sinking into the soft earth. The keys! I just could’nt find the blasted things! We all looked, all four of us, while I muttered all the while that I definitely took them off the hook. Jarred, my nineteen year old, decided, very quietly, not to believe me, and wandered off to the cottage. He reappeared shortly after, keys in hand. Had I dropped them on the way? Did I put them down after picking them up? No, nothing that simple. I was flabbergasted to discover that they were still, in fact, hanging on the hook. Those damned fairies. Jarred knew better than to comment.

 My doctor says I’m stressed. My therapist says “Duh”! So, I decided that I would look at a week in my life and try to discover if I am indeed stressed, tired, overworked and hence abnormally distracted!

A week! How do you determine a week? My life seems to run from one chaotic moment to the next, forming hours, days, weeks and years. My absent-mindedness began on a Friday so I decided to capture my week beginning with the previous Sunday.

This week began relatively normally on Sunday evening when my eleven year old realized that he hadn’t completed his project that had been due for the previous Thursday. Nothing too complicated, just a moving greeting card! No need to panic, especially as he also had to look for every letter of the alphabet (in differing fonts and sizes), and stick them onto a piece of paper.  Ok, so I panic a little! Who wouldn’t?  Try finding a “Q” or a “J”. The card is cut out, his cricket players look like aliens and the family is in fits of laughter while my seven year old daughter draws something of a Rembrandt version of his picture (she is very bright). He doesn’t mind, just shrugs and continues to be glued to the TV, while I bellow, “Homework! Vincent, your homework!”

This situation could, in itself, be bearable but for that fact that it is happening at 6.30pm. This is the beginning of hell night. It is bath time accompanied by more bellows, “Get in the bath! Vincent, bath water! Katie, GET IN THE BATH!” It is school lunch time, but more on that later. It is uniform preparation time and goodness knows what else. There is always something of great significance that pops up out of nowhere to cause chaos and disorder.  There is also supper. After a huge lunch of prawns and rice the little angels are hungry. I’m not hungry! So I throw chicken pieces, covered with tinned tomatoes into the oven and put on a pot of rice.  I am functioning on three planes. My friend is there for a visit with biscuits, dips and wine – very sophisticated, my kids are between nakedness and pyjamas – very bohemian, my food is slowly overcooking and I am trying to engineer a moving cricket bat that will hit a ball across a card. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned, there is absolutely no need to panic – much! The kids end up going to bed halfway through the E-TV movie which, of course, is too late! I am a failure of a mother!

By 9.30pm, school uniforms are ready, hanging over chairs but sandwiches must be made. I usually make amazing lunches but tonight there is no bread. If there was bread there would be no filling. I am, however, supermom, and I have a plan! Tuckshop! Godsend! Tomorrow I will make that new sandwich filling : sweet corn, tuna and mayonnaise. The kids are already moaning about that one. I tell them that they have to broaden their horizons! Then I get “make us an extra sandwich, in case we don’t like that one”. My kids, the connoisseurs! Tuna – not good enough.  Ham – only fine alone, no mayonnaise or, for Katie and Jarred, with mustard. Vince wants salami, no mayonnaise. I tried pilchards and cucumber. My little ones tried to be kind saying,  “Mom, we didn’t really like the lunch today”. Jarred said it was wonderful but he that he couldn’t take it to Varsity anymore because : “It STINKS!” How subtle! One day they love chocolate spread, the next they don’t. One of them, can’t remember which, hates cheese spread but my twenty-two year old could live on it.  One loves peanut butter, the other shudders at the thought. The only thing I seem to get spot on are the chocolates and sweets that I provide.  Jarred won’t eat those though! He’s trying to diet!

Monday morning dawns and I have to drag myself out of bed at 6.30 after I’ve changed the alarm setting twice. I realize that I’m playing with fire as Jarred must be at University by eight and we have to drop the little ones off first. He will be furious if he realizes how late we got up. Little ones don uniforms (this takes about half an hour – no idea why), with me shouting about how they should stop dawdling and have breakfast. Needless to say, they suck down their cocoa pops while big brother rants about how late he’s going to be. I decide that I can’t possible make it to work. My neck is in agony, I am exhausted and constipated and signs of haemorrhoids are beginning to emerge.  My boss will spontaneously combust as she has told me that today I am getting a written warning for a mistake made on Friday.  Could my physical symptoms be psychosomatic or am I merely skirting the threshold of severe and irreversible stress? I phone the office, make excuses to my colleague (it’s easier) and go to bed, after telephoning the doctor to make an appointment for my daughter and myself. Katie has been getting waves of extreme tiredness and I’m really worried. It’s never anything curable, when it’s your child, is it? The mind of a mother is a very frightening place sometimes.

Monday wears on. I fetch Katie and her friend from school at 1.00pm. We go home, relax a bit, read and I smoke hubbly bubbly, (it relaxes me, ok!). She has raided my purse because she wants a pie for lunch. I have no money save R40 in the car for petrol! Jarred has my card. Three fifteen p.m. and it’s time to fetch Vincent from cricket (back to the school I left  two hours previously). I give in and buy two pies and put twenty rand petrol into my car. We pick up Vincent, nearly get hit by a stray cricket ball and head off to the doctor for our 4.00pm appointment. The fun has just begun! Kaitlyn must have a blood test. Have you ever tried to hold down a ten foot, rabid, thrashing and peculiarly terrified Anaconda? I’m sure not but I think it would be a breeze!  It would certainly be easier than holding down a terrified, stubborn, bucking bronco of a seven year old. I won’t go into detail – it’s far too traumatic – but it played out like a scene from a Tarantino movie.  Three adults (all in various phases of shock) holding down a tiny child whilst one of the adults sticks a 10cm thick, 1 metre long needle into her arm and  proceeds to suck all the blood from her body. She, all the while, screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Please!”.  I tell you, if you have never felt like a heel before and have an odd desire to do so, I fully recommend this as the way to go about it.

In the midst of the screaming chaos, Jarred phones. “You can fetch me now”, he says nonchalantly. The little pulsing blood vessel in my temple seems to explode as I explain as calmly as possible, why he has to wait. Meanwhile, Vincent has disappeared to the toilet in the front of the doctor’s rooms. He does not emerge until the screaming, from the far end of the building has subsided! Once the torture is over, she is shaken but laughs as I joke about how strong she is and how hard she can kick. She is not the only one trembling. The doctor grins nervously at me saying that he knows it seems barbaric, but honestly, it has to be done. Then he rushes from the room. The nurse just fumbles for words and I sit there hugging my daughter until my heart decides to return to my chest.

It is now five o’clock and Jarred is waiting at the University in Parktown. I rush off, still shaken but trying to play it down and make jokes. Katie sits unusually quietly on the back seat. I hardly notice the hellish traffic, I can handle anything after the past hour. We get to Jarred and he, very foolishly, says : “Why do you make appointments at five when you know you’re fetching me?” Is it really necessary to explain or will my feral death stare suffice. It does! Katie revives and excitedly tells Jarred about her nightmare experience. In record time it becomes an adventure and by Wednesday I will be relieved to know that my baby is doing well and that she probably just has worms.

In the blur that is my life I make supper, get the children bathed, eat, sort out homework, uniforms and sandwiches. The ex-husband telephones the children and says something inane to Katie like : “If you go to bed early you won’t be so tired and need blood tests.” Although I contemplate smashing the cell phone against the wall, I realize that it is mine and so I pour myself another glass of wine! The quiet breathing of my sleeping children, the studious attitude of my middle son, and the comings and goings of my eldest make it all worthwhile – most of the time! Thank God Monday is over.

Tuesday begins much the same way with me pulling my comatose body from the sleeper couch (don’t ask). Today there is a cricket match for Vincent (he finishes at about 5.00), and netball and  P.E. for Katie. I am organized. All is well. The usual shouting routine ensues in a fast-forward blur and I appear, miraculously, at work. I am angry and defensive due to the fact that when my friend called for me at work on Monday, my boss told him that I was scared to come to work. Scared? Of work? I’m waiting for blood test results, if you really want to know what fear is! I am called into the “big boss’s” office. I am given the poor work performance lecture and am prepared to receive my letter of warning. I decide to completely ignore my boss – dislike her right now – pull myself together and try even harder at work.  I am so happy when my friend calls and says that I don’t have to do lift scheme and that Kate can play with “Scarlie” today. A breather!  Jarred, however, finishes early so I have to take him home and come back to work. What is it they say about no rest?

After work I fetch Katie from Scarlet (where she did her homework – whoopee) and Vincent from cricket.  I finally get the kids into the bath while I cook supper in the house (again, don’t ask).  It’s a rather difficult task as I have to keep running back to the cottage for the ingredients that I have forgotten.  I try to do this really quietly because if the bathing darlings hear me, I am yelled for. This usually happens when I’ve made it into the cottage undetected and am halfway back to the house, thinking how cleverly I have eluded them. The word, “MOM”, uttered very loudly, causes me to stop dead in my tracks. Like a secret agent I attempt to melt into my surroundings. I become very quiet, I tip-toe up the stairs and into the kitchen. Made it! They soon forget that they have called me and I am congratulating myself when a raucous cacophony emerges from the bathroom and the air is filled with shouting and wailing.

“Jarred!” I scream, “For goodness sake, sort them out!” 

They are fearful of him until he turns his back and then Katie begins to sob and gesticulate hysterically. It appears that Vincent has ‘accidentally’ wee’d in the bath and then, just as ‘accidentally’, has splashed all the wee-filled water all over her.  All fear of terminal illnesses vacate my mind as I threaten to drown the children in the bath. My yells of “GET OUT! PUT NEW WATER IN,” to Vincent are heard blocks away while Katie adamantly refuses to get back in the bath with him and wanders around sopping wet and wrapped in a towel.

I somehow make it through the evening, tidying my cottage, packing my mom’s dishwasher with my dishes and watching that Vincent completes his homework. All memory of long division has long since been erased and I battle to help him with his maths homework.  I quickly pack Katie’s ballet  clothes – where the hell are those character shoes – and convince her that, because the shoes are too small,  I will get her new ones.

“Feel where my toe is,” she says convincingly to me.

Vincent has P.E tomorrow, so does Katie, but he refuses to wear a Speedo and so I must pack him some long shorts. While I fully applaud his fashion sense, I doubt that the school will believe his excuses for much longer.  I sigh when, miraculously, the atmosphere is infused with the even breathing of sleeping cherubs. I am just relaxing into a wine-induced oblivion (of course I’m exaggerating) when Gary, my eldest grabs on to my security gate from outside shouting, “Mom, Mom, hurry, open up! Quickly! Hurry!” My heart leaps into my throat. Someone is dead? Someone is chasing him? It’s obvious that something truly horrible has happened”.

“What is it? I somehow blurt out.

“Hurry! Open up! It’s Prison Break”.

How I’ve actually made it to Wednesday is beyond me. Perhaps it’s those “happy pills”, maybe the fact that I’m eating better, or more likely, I am simply functioning on auto-pilot.  Things go relatively smoothly this morning. I think I’m used to the chaos and I arrive at work only to realize that I must go shopping to cater for the afternoon meeting.  My boss is subjected to grunts, nods and head shakes from me as I refuse to be civil to her. I do a few things in the office and then head off to the shop to buy the eats. Today is not my lift scheme day and I look forward to a nice quiet lunch with my colleague from my previous job.  It’s really nice and I get back to work relaxed after a glass of wine and a tramezini.  I have a few invitations for the evening (kids are out Wednesday evening with their dad), but I decide to stay home and do my ironing that has been building up for weeks.  I buy myself a bottle of wine, make no supper because I’ve eaten and sit down with a magazine on a chair that I hardly move from for the entire evening. Jarred sits with me doing his homework. I help him because it’s English and I’m not bad at it. When I look for the wine I realize that I left it in my car, which Gary has taken. I sigh! I will have it at 7.30 when he gets home and hubbly will do in the meantime. I make sandwiches at the table and sort out school clothes. Needless to say, I do absolutely no ironing and have a glass of wine at 7.30. I continue to do the Sudoku that I have been doing the whole evening. Vincent and Katie get home at 8.00 and I have to rush them through a bath and then homework.  In bed late again! Jarred then begins to play guitar and make up a song about the politics of the country. I am excited and write down the words. Katie and Vincent listen from their beds.  By bed-time I’ve had about three glass of wine and am sleepy. Uncharacterisically, as I lie down the room begins to spin, and spin, and spin! I end up sick in the bathroom and fall asleep almost immediately.   What an end to my night of semi-solitude. They say, those very wise “they” people, that alcohol affects you more when you’re stressed. I wonder….! It’s a damn good excuse though.

I am pretty sure that I don’t have to mention that the vacating of my bed on Thursday morning is no easy task.  I do, however, succeed! Today we leave with only school bags. No tog bags, no cricket bats, no tackies, no ballet things, no extras at all. I feel free, wild – nothing to forget. The euphoria is intoxicating. This must be Heaven. I am even energized to go grocery shopping this evening. My friend says that she is free this evening. She asks if we should get together. Frankly the idea of wine or any other alcoholic drink, after last night, induces fear and trembling.  I decline.  Work is quiet as I continue to ignore my boss and 2.00 pm brings about my usual lift scheme.   I drop the little ones off, practically begging them to tidy the cottage and go back to work.  I don’t recall this but they say that I told them they could go shopping with me if they tidied up.  At about 4.00pm Jarred arrives at the office and I take him home. I have since decided that I should shop alone, leaving the little ones at home with Jarred to bath and do homework. The outcry that results from this suggestion to Vin and Kate is something I am not qualified to deal with.  I deflate and collapse into my car seat and meekly say, “get in”. They inform me that they “even cleaned the cottage”, in order to be able to go.

Shopping to me is a sadistic ritual.  I cannot comprehend those perverse individuals who actually enjoy the dreaded ordeal.  Add on two children who want everything in sight and who, after pleading to accompany me, want to go home after half an hour. Include fist-fights, sibling verbal abuse and disappearances every five minutes for free samples, and the whole thing intensifies ten-fold. I arrive at the shop at about 5.00 pm and get home by 7.30.  I am comforted by a well-meaning woman who tells me that my two fighting little maniacs are completely normal.  This is after she hears me yelling hysterically at them to “STOP IT!” and “I TOLD YOU TO STAY AT HOME”, accompanied by several other expletives. I tell her that I’ve had to go through it twice, having two older sons as well, and that I must have done something particularly evil in a previous incarnation.  She tells me that I look too young to have two older sons and I almost kiss her.  I feel haggard and worn, but decide to preserve the tiny morsel of dignity that I have left.  

I arrive home in the dark with two tired children who have not as yet bathed or, horror of horrors, done homework. Supper is no problem. MacDonalds, I love you! The cottage is in a dismal condition and if they had indeed tidied it up, a hurricane has since swept through it.  I try to tidy while Jarred brings a few shopping bags from the car. We eat and Katie takes ages to finish her food while I jump around uneasily trying not to think of bathing and homework.  Vincent gets stomach ache and needs the toilet but can’t find matches for the candle that has replaced the broken light bulb.  He eventually decides he has to go in the dark but five minutes later is wandering around bare-bummed looking for a torch! Jarred is ranting about how unfair it is because no-one will help him unpack the car and I am cleaning, packing away groceries and emptying the garbage bin, while yelling at Vincent to get back into the pitch black bathroom and onto the toilet. Katie, meanwhile continues to eat at two chews per minute and Xena, my Doberman, runs in and eats Vincent’s burger! Thank goodness Katie has two burgers, having got the special in case Gary is home for supper.  This extra one is given to Vincent. When I remind my daughter that she is taking an abnormally long time to eat she throws down her burger saying, “Fine, I will starve”. This results in me telling her what a “princess” she is!

Add to this chaotic evening the fact that there is a really young and persistent man that I know who keeps phoning me at the most inconvenient times and you have the makings of a true farce. I kid you not, to the delight and bemusement of my children he phoned and let it ring for a full seven minutes. They, and I, were absolutely amazed. My little ones know all the excuses in the book now when he calls, but this time we just let it ring – our amusement for the evening.

Eventually, eventually, eventually clean, educated and well-fed children are lying in their beds.  Unfortunately there is some good stuff on T.V. and the little darlings keep peeking at the screen. Death stare time! Eyes shut! And peace reigns supreme.

Friday, FRIday, FriDAY! Happy days! It’s Friday!!!! I have made it. We have made it. We are breathing and relatively sane. One more day to get through. Should be a breeze. And all appears to be fine but looks can be deceiving. I am organized! I am Supermom! Katie’s ballet clothes are ready, lunches are packed into cases and it’s time to go. But dizzyingly quickly we return to the Friday day I lost my mind!  The keys, the panties, the earrings – all effects lasting temporarily however.  My initial horror gives way to amazement as I realize that my distractedness appears to have come along with a burst of genius. I have managed, quite extraordinarily, to work out how to put seven separate documents onto one document on Excel. This involves a lot of copying, pasting, (making small), renaming and finally coming out with a whole new document. I am so impressed with myself that I forget to sulk and run to my boss to tell her how wonderful I am.  She agrees that I am very clever and I see no reason to continue the argument.

After the initial shock of all my weird activities of the morning, I begin to feel relatively relaxed.  Katie has ballet and so does her friend, so the other half of the lift scheme does the lifts today.  I do, however, still have to take Jarred home. This changes when he telephones to say that the pub at Education Campus is opening today and he will come over later, probably around three. This all seems fine until my boss, whom I have just made friends with, decides that we can go home early – at three. I try to call Jarred. Surprise, surprise – his phone is off. I have to wait. I can’t very well go storming into the pub to yank him out. In the meantime his older brother calls. I must meet him at home and then take him to Vodacom to sign for his new SIM card. The problem is we must do this by 5.00 as the shop will probably close. The other problem is that I have no idea what time Jarred will put in an appearance.  Gary laughs hysterically when he hears the situation, telling me that I’ve got a long wait ahead of me. I little while later the little ones call me at work to ask if they can make me a surprise from their recipe book. I agree to this asking, as nicely as possible, that they clean up after themselves.  At about 3.30 Gary phones, asking where I am and Jarred eventually arrives at four o’clock. At four fifteen Katie calls, asking how far I am from home because the surprise is waiting. I drop Jarred at home and Gary takes his place in the car. Katie runs out asking where I’m going and saying that the surprise is ready. I assure her that I will not be long. We get to Vodacom, sign the papers and are told that it will cost R65.00. Gary and I look at each other incredulously. Neither of us has money on us.  He decides to drop me at home, as I’m really anxious to have my surprise before the babies’ dad fetches them for the weekend. Gary will fetch my bank-card and go and pay the account. Miraculously we find the card in the car. At home I have a sosatie stick with strawberries, pineapple, banana and dates (because I have given up chocolate for lent) waiting for me on a plate with ice-cream and custard.  Children have an amazing way of erasing a week of stress in an instant, by a simple gesture of love so pure that it melts your insides and touches you to the very core of your being!

 Reality, however, has a nasty way of intruding on the most special of moments. My friend arrives to take me for dinner but my ex has not yet collected the children. The place is unbelievably noisy. There is a ridiculous modern musical blasting from the television and Jarred is showing everyone his political song. The atmosphere is mildly crazy but very enjoyable. The ex hoots at the gate for the little ones. Unfortunately at this precise moment my father and brother decide to have a very heated altercation. I do not want my children’s father to hear or see anything about the argument (long story) so I rush the children out as soon as possible.  It is a scene from a black comedy. The more I tell them that they must leave quickly, the more times they return to fetch something that they have forgotten. It is unbelievable! Finally they leave and I breathe a sigh of relief. My eldest son’s girlfriend has been ushered into the cottage to escape the argument inside.  My friend and I leave, I tell Jarred where to hide the keys and I, naively, believe that I am due for a quiet and peaceful weekend.

Dinner is uneventful except for when I go to the bathroom, get confused with the doors and end up exiting the ladies and entering a sushi restaurant that I hadn’t been eating at. After the initial confusion, I make a hasty retreat and find my friend outside, waiting for me.  While on my way to the bathroom I discover that Jarred has called me twenty-two times and I have finally heard the phone on the twenty- third try. He tells me that there is trouble at home and on top of this he has dropped my cottage keys into the cottage and cannot get them out. My friend and I end up getting into the cottage by unscrewing one of the security gates, at the same time releasing my Doberman who has been prisoner in the cottage for goodness knows how long. In the meantime I go to find my brother who has passed out in the garden and attempt to help him. The rest is a long, involved and futile story and is best ignored and forgotten.

My peaceful Friday ends and I fall into bed and into a deep sleep.

I have big plans for Saturday. I am going to get myself out of debt. I will get up relatively late, go to the bank and draw the money. I will then pay off my clothing accounts, my T.V. and buy my daughter and my friend their birthday presents. I have, however, discovered that in life that you should never plan anything. Go with the flow. That way you can never be irritated! This I have discovered but unfortunately I have never actually learnt from it.

I arrive at the bank. None of the banks at the mall have electricity. I swear, various expletives, under my breath and head off to the other mall. I think that I am very clever but at the same time have a sense of foreboding about what I will find at that bank. I am astounded beyond my normal ability to be astounded! The queues begin at the tellers inside the bank (far, far inside the bank), out the door and all the way down to Woollworths, which is about half a city block away. All the other banks have the same problem. I mutter some more swear words, this time including some obscenities about the state of the country and decide on retail therapy, which I most certainly cannot afford.  I head home, make a hubbly (yes, again) and tidy my flat. I am busy with this when my brother’s weird girlfriend starts yelling out my name. Jarred is amazed to see me hurl myself across the room, jump out of my shoes and fling myself onto Katie’s bed, at the same time begging him to tell her that I’m asleep. I close my eyes tightly, praying that she won’t come in.  Jarred, the horror, lets me lie like that for a few minutes, choosing not to tell me that she is gone. I continue to hide for awhile then poor myself a glass of wine (yes, again), put on a load of washing, set up the ironing board and complete all my outstanding ironing. I am Superwoman! I am Wonder Woman! I am Mother! I put washing on the line and it rains! I am Exceedingly Irritated Woman.

I, being so damn popular, have three invitations for Saturday evening. My haemorrhoids are agonizing at this stage and I decide I cannot go to the braai. I also don’t feel like visiting the young obsessive phone caller. I decide to surprise my friend and go to him to watch a DVD. The evening is uneventful except for the fact that my eldest son keeps phoning me to yell about how unfair it is that he has to lift my middle son to a party. He rants about how far it is and how it’s unfair to use his girlfriend’s car.  At about ten o’clock I go home and sit with Gary in the cottage until he leaves to fetch his girlfriend. I bath and, exhausted, climb into bed. The cell rings at 12.30. That dreaded call that will inform me that Jarred cannot get a lift home and I must fetch him. I am half asleep and ask Jarred to call me back with directions. Gary calls and tells me where to go. I put my dog in the car – she is astounded (as astounded as a dog can be) and we head off into the unknown, with a set of directions on my lap. I am in some God-forsaken place in the middle of the night but I eventually  find the place after a few more phone calls to Gary. I find the street but not the number. There is no number eighteen. Fortunately I am not alone in my stupidity as the taxi driver who has just arrived is also driving up and down the road in search of number eighteen.  I find it, eventually, around the corner – something that must have slipped the minds of both my sons.  I then spend about ten minutes outside waiting for Jarred to appear, anger causing all my arteries to pulse unusually. I cannot call him because, surprise, surprise, his phone is off! I cannot go in because I am in my pyjamas. I am on the verge of an embolism when he appears at the gate, glass in hand. I am irritated. I am tired. I tell him to throw the drink out.  His friend then proceeds to vomit next to my car. I am petrified. He cannot puke in my car. He sits in the front, window wound down and proceeds to tell me, in a very elevated tone, how much he loves me and what a good person I am. I am almost deaf when we reach home. I flop into bed at 1.30 in the morning.

Sunday – wonderful Sunday. I get up late. I go to breakfast with my friends. Have a wonderful Pina Colada (spelling) and then head home. I must go shopping for my friend’s present, but decide to go with him so he can choose it. Then we see a movie. I am relaxed for the first time in a week!  He drops me at home. I iron the load of washing on the line and put on another load. The older boys are home and have toast, biscuits and dips for supper. This is my day, this is my moment, this is my time! I am tired. I am relaxed and I must preserve the last iota of strength that I have to begin this routine all over again!

The conclusion of this pitiful but ultimately fulfilling tale – : I am tired, I am stressed but hey I do these things for the people that I love. I love and am loved and nothing is too much  – although it sometimes seems that way.

And Monday I want to start gym again! Wish me luck!

Karen Dosw
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/a-week-in-the-life-of-the-single-working-mother-588052.html

Office Yoga: Corporate Yoga for the Office

Could Yoga increase office productivity? Can Yoga teachers help the corporate sector? What can Office Yoga programs do for large and small businesses? Let’s look at solutions that Yoga can offer to the business world.

The number of office workers has increased, with the invention of the personal computer. Working excessive hours in front of a personal computer can create a multitude of back, neck, shoulder, spine, hip, and wrist problems. Muscle groups, in all of these areas, respond with tension and a variety of long-term problems – if they are ignored by office workers and management.

Forty years ago, secretaries would have been patronized for their migraines, cluster headaches, back pain, hip problems, and sore necks. Now, times are changing, and there has been much progress with ergonomics and studies which reveal new insights about the relationship of prolonged sitting to specific health problems.

A recent study, by The Medical Research Institute, in New Zealand, has revealed that office workers may be at a higher risk of developing blood clots. As most of us know, these studies are worded very tactfully, and do not jump to conclusions; however, anyone who understands body mechanics would realize that this makes perfect sense.

With that said, let’s remember that blood clots can be potentially fatal as they travel to the heart and vital organs. Blood clots can, and do, cause stroke, chest pain, and heart attack.

With larger numbers of office workers putting in extra hours of work, some “forward thinking” companies have begun to respond with office Yoga programs for their employees. Even short Office Yoga sessions can release muscle tension and alleviate the routine pains and aches, which result from prolonged sitting.

Therefore, companies, which take pro-active measures, by installing Office Yoga programs, are taking positive action toward health solutions for employees – thus, increasing productivity, while decreasing sick time, tardiness, and medical leave.

Office Yoga creates an atmosphere of decreased anxiety, less stress, positive thinking, and raises morale. Nothing is more rewarding than feeling worthy and being treated with respect. Any small company can take such action by installing an Office Yoga program.

Some companies pay a percentage for a Yoga teacher to operate an Office Yoga class, while employees pay the balance. Other companies see this as a “win-win” situation and pay for the Yoga classes in full. Regardless of how an Office Yoga program is paid for, the benefits for the corporate sector are just starting to be realized.

Copyright 2007 – Paul Jerard / Aura Publications

anonymous
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/office-yoga-corporate-yoga-for-the-office-136749.html

The Nine Environments of Millionaires

At the beginning of the call, I heard Jim Bunch mentioning the most important point that will stick in my mind for a very long time.

“Surround yourself with the best of the best and you’ll produce the results of the best of the best.”

If you are into personal development, I believe that there is nothing new in that statement. However, Jim continued by saying that your “will power” is on only when you turn it on, but environments will stick with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you managed to be in millionaire environments every second of your life, wouldn’t it make sense that you’ll stay millionaire or become a millionaire one day?

That clicked and made me want to know more about the environments Jim was referring to. In this article, I will briefly mention what the 9 environments of millionaires are as discussed by Jim Bunch.

1. Memetic Environment

Beliefs, ideas, knowledge and concepts are examples of memetic environment. They are intangible and very important because it starts with you believing that you can get what you want in life. You might ask “how to change your belief”. The answer is to change what you do and the result will change too. As soon as you see the results, you begin to believe. Think like a millionaire.

2. Relationships Environment

Family, friends, colleague and support personnel are in the “relationship environment”. This environment controls your behavior that causes you to think, act and feel in a certain way. As hard as it can be, sometimes you have to let go off some relationships in your life because they are not bringing in closer to your goals in life. Build a millionaire relationship with those who will always push you closer to your dreams and goals.

3. Network Environment

It is simply a community that you are in. This community has rules, values and beliefs on its own. You have to be extremely selective in choosing your network. Remember that millionaires network with millionaires. To identify if you are in the right network, identify the topics of your conversations when you are in your community. Do you talk about creating wealth, being a better husband or wife or simply the weather?

4. Financial Environment

This is the environment that causes people most stress. The problem with financial environment is that when you grew up, nobody seemed to talk about money. Soon you’ll realize that you have to manage your own money, investments and insurance, and you don’t know all of them certainly, especially once your wealth grows. This is the time when millionaires hire and surround themselves with specialists and mentors on finance. Millionaires have their own wealth team.

5. Physical Environment

Physical Environment revolves everything around you such as home, office and furnishings. Confused mind creates chaos and that’s what happens if your physical environment is not taken care of.

6. Nature Environment

Human beings require energy and you’ll feel a powerful energy from nature when you’re close to it. Have a jog in a gym and along a sandy beautiful beach and you’ll know the difference what nature environment brings you.

7. Body Environment

Most people are ignorant about their body environment. You have to treat your body like a temple, not a playground. That means you have to take care of your health because there is no point of having wealth without health. Health will suck the wealth out of your life.

8. Self Environment

Personality, personal gifts, talents and emotions belong to the self environment. You can’t see, smell or touch your self environment but you maybe able to identify them and make full use of your ultimate strengths. Use your self environment to match up with the world outside.

9. Spiritual Environment

It is your connection to higher source, love and self. If you are not in the habit of doing it, you’ll have to put yourself in the spiritual environment again. Change all your environments and you start to change your thinking.

Another important point is that you have to develop your own mastermind group so that you are always focus on your environments. Take seriously the 9 environments of millionaires above in the next 90 days. You will feel the difference in your life.

Zamri Nanyan
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/the-nine-environments-of-millionaires-102461.html

Learn To Take The Stress Out Of Taking Your Dog To The Vets

Taking your pet to the veterinarians’ office can be an adventure all on its own. There are so many sights, sounds, smells and other sensations that your pet can easily become quite excited or agitated to the point that control is difficult. Multiply this by the ever rotating average of 10 or more pets in a busy waiting room and mass pandemonium could be the result.

Without proper training and control, a veterinarian’s waiting room might quickly become a bedlam of scales, feather and fur as the animals all compete for space and attention.

So what can you do to make the trip less stressful for your pet, yourself, your vet and the staff? There are five basic points that will make any visit, less of an odyssey.

1 – First, be certain to leash or halter train your dog if you do not plan on using a pet carrier for transport.

A pet carrier is ideal for small animals as this provides them a measure of security, as they have their own personal space, and it also gives them protection from larger or aggressive animals that might be in the waiting room, but for larger animals a pet carrier may not be an option.

A shorter leash or halter is best in this situation as it provides more control for the dog owner and prevents tangling with other animals or furniture. Leashes also provide a handhold for cases where aggressive behaviors amongst animals might otherwise get out of control.

2 – Secondly, consider muzzle training for your pet. Many veterinarian hospitals now request you to muzzle your pet. This is for the safety of other patients as well as the staff.

A muzzle will simply fit around a dog’s mouth area and prevent biting but to a dog that is unfamiliar with the device this can be a very frightening experience. Giving your pet the opportunity to learn about this device in a non-threatening environment can make the office visit much less traumatic.

3 – A third tip is not to forget the rewards. Unless your veterinarian has requested your dog have no food for specific purposes, such as testing, or if they do not allow food in the waiting room, feel free to bring along a treat for your pet.

This will help them to feel more at ease with the new surroundings and help to keep their focus on you rather than on getting a closer look at the iguana on a leash in the corner. It also gives you the chance to continue the training lessons while waiting for your pet to be called back to the exam rooms.

Plus, your dog will think you are really cool and, if you are lucky, so will that cute receptionist you’ve had your eye on.

4 – Fourth, keep track of your pet’s medical records. Is your pet allergic to anything? Is she up to date on her vaccination shots? How old is he? Has your pet had any surgeries, major illnesses or parasites? These things are all important to know and could be potentially life threatening if you didn’t keep them current.

Regular visit to the vet and being current on shots is always a good idea. Why risk losing your precious friend to some disease that is virtually non-existent over a measly few dollars? Plus, visiting the vet regularly will help your pet to become more relaxed with the office settings and they will respond better.

5 – For our fifth tip, let’s party. Socializing your pet to other people and animals prior to vet visits is a great idea provided they are current on their vaccinations.

This allows them to learn acceptable behaviors around other animals and what the boundaries of interaction are. Hosting a puppy party is a great way to do this. Invite several other dog owners over to visit and serve a modest picnic or potluck type meal.

Encourage the dogs to play and interact together and with the other owners. This will help them to learn what you will and will not accept and helps you to determine potential problem areas.

Following these simple tips can make vet visits less traumatic on all involved and much easier to cope with. You will thank yourself later.

Your pet will thank you and so will the staff at the vet’s office.

Colin Philips
http://www.articlesbase.com/pets-articles/learn-to-take-the-stress-out-of-taking-your-dog-to-the-vets-111009.html

Chelating Elation – 5 Secret Reasons Why It Is Good For The Heart

Chelating therapy is a procedure performed in a doctor’s office and is designed to remove metal impurities from blocked arteries in the body. This type of therapy is said to improve metabolic function and blood flow to the heart and other areas of the body. A doctor will administer an intravenous infusion using amino acids, or EDTA, through a small needle. The result of this treatment is that the metals and other foreign substances in the body will bind to the injected amino acids and remove them from circulation.

Chelating therapy gained popularity during War World II when it became a routine treatment for both arsenic and metal poisoning. During the 1950s, the medical field began using chelating as a treatment for both children and adults for lead poisoning. Often, patients reported improvements in other areas such as improved vision, sense of smell and better hearing. There are critics of chelating; however, studies have shown that chelating is a safe method of therapy when performed by a knowledgeable and experienced physician. There are many benefits of chelating therapy and reasons why it is good for the heart.

Though not scientifically proven, repeated chelating therapy may help treat heart disease and decrease chest pain in patients suffering from chronic heart conditions. This form of therapy might also be a good and safe alternative to invasive heart bypass surgery. In addition, chelating also improves a person’s stamina and physical endurance. Many patients undergoing this form of therapy often see improved muscular coordination and brain function as well.

In addition, it is believed that because chelating therapy removes harmful metals stored within the body, that some chelating patients also report reduced neurological and cardiovascular symptoms. The same patients have reported improvement in fatigue and better skin conditions. Chelating therapy has also shown to improve respiratory and gastrointestinal symptoms.

For patients suffering from reoccurring chest pain and heart disease, chelating therapy is often a good alternative to medicine or surgery. Those undergoing chelating for those conditions might notice improved coronary circulation and increased heart function after therapy. Researchers have shown that a beneficial effect of chelating therapy for heart patients is that it removes metal that causes excessive free radical proliferation. That reduces the oxidation of lipids and DNA. They believe that chelating can halt or reverse the bad effects heart disease. Chelating may also remove the plaque lining the artery walls that often causes blocked arteries. Some patients report that they are able to move and walk pain free after chelating therapy.

Before undergoing chelating therapy, a physician will perform both a medical examination and get a thorough background medical history. A family history is also taken to check on all aspects of previous health problems. The doctor will also give the patient a series of medical tests prior to the therapy. This will include an electrocardiogram, chest x-rays, and both blood and urine tests. A heart stress test or exercise test may also be given to assess cardiovascular endurance.

When treatment begins, the infusion usually lasts about 3-1/2 hours. Approximately a half of a liter of fluid will enter the blood stream during this time. A typical treatment will consist of two or three therapies per week and will be repeated between twenty to thirty times.

There are little side effects to chelating therapy when performed by an experienced, knowledgeable physician. Some patients report a headache, a slight fever or nausea right after treatment. Headaches after treatment are generally caused by low blood sugar. Eating fruit during the first half hour of treatment is recommended to help stop headaches. Chelating is also known to cause diarrhea in a few patients. It is recommended to drink plenty of fluids after treatment and to avoid spicy foods. Losing three to five pound after chelating is also common, especially for those who retain water.

Only extreme cases report a decrease in liver function. It is estimated that over seventy-five percent of patients receiving chelating therapy see a significant change. Ninety percent of patients who receive repeated chelating procedures say that the therapy has benefited them tremendously when combined with diet changes and exercise. Chelating therapy can be a safe alternative that will prove beneficial to heart health.

James Calvin
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/chelating-elation-5-secret-reasons-why-it-is-good-for-the-heart-77217.html

Moving Office- Professionals Do it Better

Most people have seen the “Relocation Relocation” type of television programme where property professionals help cash rich time poor people to buy the house of their dreams.

Few business owners realise that similar services exist to help them when they need to move a business. In business, time and money are precious commodities, yet, all too often some poor soul is delegated the job of organising a company business move on top of their usual responsibilities with a consequent rise in stress levels for everyone else and every opportunity to make a costly mistake that could affect the bottom line for several years to come.

Let’s take central London as an example and see what needs to be done to make an office move happen: –

There are over 650 firms of commercial agents in Central London, so you’d better get on the phone, try to get hold of the right department and person to talk to, or wait for them to call back, describe what is wanted and then wait for the details to arrive.

Now try to assess what is worth seeing, and then arrange and co-ordinate viewing appointments to minimise time spent out of the office for the decision makers.

You are going to have to learn about the market so that the best rental and lease terms can be negotiated for the company, not the landlord? Remember, the smiling agent who shows you round the smart new building that you like does not have your best interests in mind.

You will have to instruct the solicitors and liaise with them through searches, enquiries before contract, and drafts and re-drafts of legal documentation.

You will have to obtain quotations for building, mechanical and electrical surveys, and if necessary, the terms might have to be renegotiated if problems are found.

The premises will need to be measured in accordance with codes of measuring practice to confirm the stated floor area to ensure correct levels of rent and service charge payments, and that more importantly, all of the staff will fit in.

Plans will have to be prepared for fitting out work and an application made for landlord’s consent for alterations.

Builders, joiners, decorators, carpet fitters, specialist mechanical, electrical, IT and telecoms contractors will have to be co-ordinated and then snagging items dealt with.

Quotations will be needed from removal companies, and the move co-ordinated and planned.

And whilst all this is going on, the business has to be kept running!

The alternative? A telephone call and a meeting with a professional who is used to dealing with this type of exercise day in and day out so that you can be left to concentrate on what you know best, running your business.

Author
http://www.articlesbase.com/business-articles/moving-office-professionals-do-it-better-108090.html

Watch the office episode "stress relief" online for free?

Does anyone know a place or a way that I could watch the episode "stress relief" online for free? Ive been looking everywhere for a website but I cant find one. Its the episode that premiered after the superbowl.

Direct link to that episode:
http://www.sidereel.com/The_Office/_season/5/_episode/13/_search

The megavideo links are your best bet

Caffeine and Headaches

Caffeine is one of the most consumed substances of all times. Through the years, people have consciously and unconsciously taken caffeine in the form of coffee, tea, softdrinks and other colas.

Caffeine intake has rapidly become popular that every now and then, critics and health experts have constantly warned about it. A number of health professionals insist that the substance can do harm to the body.

The first blow to the intake of caffeine is the claims that it induces addiction. Thus, many people seem to be pretty hooked up at drinking softdrinks and coffee.

Moreover, people should be aware about the benefits and detriments of taking caffeine.

Caffeine headaches

Caffeine has been found to cause headaches and the claims that the substances causes addiction is linked to this assertion. The idea that what is called as ‘weekend headaches’ are caused by caffeine is linked to the addiction allegation against the substance.

Experts believe that weekend headaches come as office buffs, who become used to consuming cups and glasses of coffee and sodas everyday in the morning and during breaks, suddenly stop taking caffeine during weekends. Usually, workers sleep and take rest during weekends, so they are not drinking coffee or sodas to be awake.

The migraine triggered by such a cause can be alleviated by taking caffeine. Quitters to caffeine intake also suffer headaches as a form of withdrawal symptom to the allegedly addictive caffeine.

Just like when smokers suddenly quit smoking, caffeine consumers also experience severe or even mild effects on health.

Moreover, too much intake of caffeine may also cause intense stress, especially when the person significantly lacks sleep and proper nutrition. Such stress can lower the body’s resistance to the usual causes of migraines, making the person suffer occasional, and eventually, regular episodes of headaches.

Stimulant

You may probably heard from experts that caffeine is an effective stimulant, a group of substances that raise heart beats and makes people awake. Stimulants help people combat sleepiness within a few hours after intake.

Thus, that explains why you feel very much awake and invigorated after drinking that cup of coffee in the morning. Softdrinks also produce a different kick within you. People then take caffeine whenever they need to stay awake during office hours or during over time sessions at work.

Caffeine should not be taken if you are about to sleep or if you have been encountering difficulties in inducing sleep. You may notice that even the aroma of the coffee can almost invigorate you.

Caffeine as headache treatment

It can almost be confusing, but did you know that if caffeine can cause certain types of headaches, it can also help treat headaches? How dos it work?

Migraines are caused by enlarging blood vessels that affect the nerves around them. These nerves then trigger the sensory of the head, producing headaches.

Caffeine works by constricting the blood vessels, making those vessels return to normal and healthy sizes. You may prove this when you encounter a minor headache.

Notice that at least about 30 minutes after you have taken coffee or colas during an episode of headache, you may feel relief.

In other cases, certain medications need the help of caffeine so those treatments can be utilized appropriately by the body. There are various kinds of drugs that are manufactured with added caffeine for them to be effective.

Examples of such drugs are Tylenols, Florinol, Cafergot, Excedrin and Dristan.

Simple over the counter medicines also become more potent when taken with softdrinks or coffees.

Caffeine is indeed a wonderful substance. They may be bad or good, depending on how your body utilizes them and how you take them. Everything should be taken in moderation though. Experts believe that about two to three cups of coffee can still be happy. Anything more than that can lead to addiction and excessive caffeine intake.

Caffeine is certainly a good subject for discussion over a cup of coffee. You may benefit or be harmed by it. Just recognize the fact that as a stimulant, take it to invigorate your energy. Never take it on empty stomach though.

That can be the reason why your grandma always has cookies when serving coffee or tea.

Lee Dobbins
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/caffeine-and-headaches-79957.html

Office Art Wall and Other Ideas to Cheer Up Clinics

Most people dread going to clinics. Clinics are for the sick and the injured, and people, especially children, do not like the feeling of dread upon entering such facility.

Another factor why people do not want to go to clinics is because most of these offices lack a personal touch. The next time you go to a clinic, check out the walls and decors while waiting for your doctor to attend to you. You will notice that most have posters on walls dealing with cancer prevention, breastfeeding, reminders for checkups, warnings and details on certain diseases and vices, tips on how to live a healthy life, and others. These posters remind us of our frailty and vulnerability. Yes, we all agree that they are there for a good reason, but they give us a feeling of negativity and fear.

Just imagine, you are there to seek for help in getting treatment, worried about the illness you are afflicted with. Then you are bombarded with posters regarding illnesses! How would you feel?

Indeed, the clinic, or doctor’s office, can be a stressful, frightening place. We need something positive to make us feel good in this dreadful office. Wall art, for example, that is placed in these offices will surely help.

Positive decorations like artwork can calm down a patient and reduces his apprehension. Instead of being bombarded with messages of dread, why not instill a positive aura? Remember that patients are there because they know that they are sick; doctors don’t need to rub that fact in.

If you are a doctor and own a clinic, here are some ideas on how to make your clinic a more cheerful place.

1. Put up a sound system and pipe in soothing music. Good music always calms the heart and relaxes the soul. There are lots of instrumental, inspirational, and soft music available in CD stores. Or you can download an mp3 file from the Internet. Remember though that blaring music can cause more stress and can be annoying. Lower down the volume.

2. Repaint the entire office with a light color. A lighter color is easier to the eyes. Whites and yellows are okay, but pastels are also good choices.

3. Lighting plays an important part of calming a patient. Natural light coming through large windows is best, but this can be harsh during noontime, necessitating the use of blinds. Avoid harsh fluorescent lighting; use soft pin lights and spotlights instead.

4. Add delightful flowers and plants. They can surely add life to a dreary place.

5. You can replace medical posters with office art wall. You can also use art that depicts peaceful meadow-paradise scenes. Abstract or contemporary art is also a good choice. Abstract art, composed of patters which does not represent anything, will keep patients busy trying to interpret the painting. Choose something with soft, light colors.

6. If you do photography as a hobby, print and enlarge pictures. Frame them and hang them on walls. You can take pictures of something pleasant-flowers, scenery, a cute kitten or a puppy, a mother and a child.

Alyssa Davis
http://www.articlesbase.com/art-and-entertainment-articles/office-art-wall-and-other-ideas-to-cheer-up-clinics-710353.html